I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XVII

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This is my most favorite poem. I read it every time I feel like jumping off a cliff.

nineteen

Hello. I haven't written anything here in awhile. I just had the most stressful semester yet so I am spending my Christmas break doing nothing but watching french films and anime. I have more than 30+ books and series to catch-up on, no big deal. This year went by so fast. I turned nineteen a few days ago and I feel nothing which I think is totally normal for someone who doesn't care about birthdays that much. I will never get used to receiving birthday messages from people, especially the ones I barely know telling me to have a good day and a good life etc. Despite this, I appreciate all of them for taking the time to let me know that they know I was born that day. It feels nice to know that some people still care, you know. All my birthdays are quite terrible, though. Drama arises at the end of the day every. time.

Birthdays are weird.

 I have an entry to submit to an online magazine and the deadline is on the 30th. Uhhh so basically I only have 3 days left to do it or I am dead. I hate cramming and procrastinating but those are the things I am very good at (No, I am not proud of it). Anyway, today (it's past 12 midnight so) is going to be good for Ella and I are going to jog in the afternoon and hopefully eat at the Shawarma place near their house. I've listed some things to buy for my DIY projects so I'm gonna have to wake up early to buy them at the public market before actually heading at Ella's place. I'm also planning to raid some thrift stores while I'm there. Hopefully I get to find some good stuff.

It is time to hit the sack but I'll read a few chapters from Not That Kind of Girl first. Goodnight.